Jagisha Arora
Writer & Journalist, New Delhi
LOVE AND DISSENT
“I come from a privileged upper caste family. I have faced a lot of psychological and gender discrimination throughout my childhood. I always wanted to be a writer, but never got the mental space to write. Virginia Woolf, in her book ‘A Room of one’s own’ talks about how a woman needs her own space, a room to collect all her thoughts. A man writes at ease, and is provided with all the comforts in the world, but a woman writes often, in the middle of household work like cooking, or taking care of children. In our family there was no scope for discussion. All decisions were taken for me, I was never given a choice . I had two brothers, who would be asked what's right or wrong but not me. No democratic space! I was told not to eat in Muslim homes… ‘They cook and eat non vegetarian food. They are dirty. They will do magic on you.’ And I would question my mother on how she could say such horrible things. I have Muslim friends, I know these are lies. I was told that I cannot marry a Muslim or a Dalit from childhood. I was locked in a box all my life and that changed when I met Prashant.”
Jagisha fell in love with Prashant, a journalist whose anger and activism is directed at the caste system and inequality. For Jagisha’s family falling in love with a Dalit man was a crime. “ At 26, I had to run away from my home to get married because my brother had seen a photo of me and Prashant, and told me to leave the house. I had started getting threatening messages from my family so we thought to go and report it to the police. I have always disliked arranged marriages because they are used to preserve caste purity. When two people of different castes or religions fall in love and get married, they are able to understand each other's struggles. I realised that I may be oppressed by gender but I am privileged by caste. You will only understand these things when you marry outside your caste and religion. Prashant, my husband, would always get me new books and encourage me to read and build my perspectives. Ambedkar, Mahatma Phule, Periyar, Savitri bai, Marx !” With him, I truly got the space to think freely and write. I started reading about various feminist movements and realised how big the world was. This was never the case at home. Even when I visit now, it's the same regressive space. Where women are never involved in political discourse and the men of the family sit and discuss which party will come and form the government. But that's not the case now in my chosen family of friends. My mind is open now and it wants to read everything, understand and question everything.”
Six months into their marriage, in June 2019, Prashant was arrested on account of a tweet he had posted. Prashant was arrested again this year on Jagisha’s birthday for a social media post.
“ All this time when Prashant has been wrongfully jailed, I have been doing live conversations on social media, writing articles. Sometimes I would have severe panic attacks before going ‘live’ on social media and I would have to take an antidepressant. During the pandemic, a fake enemy was being prepared in narratives by the media. Food from Dalit hands was not eaten by upper caste families. In the State’s imagination of a Hindu nation, there is no space for Dalits, Muslims, Christians and Sikhs. Many Muslim and Dalit activists are being wrongfully arrested. Every time something bad happens with an inter caste or an interfaith couple, it impacts me very personally and deeply. I feel privileged that neither I nor Prashant has been killed so far. Fascism affects your mental health, because you get tired of fighting. But to do this work you will have to accept that your mental health will suffer and you have to be able to express that too.”
Jagisha fought a long, hard battle for her husband’s freedom. During this time, she didn’t get any support from her family but a growing circle of friends and supporters saw her through in these difficult times.
“When I got married, my friend R.K. Darshan was with us. Even when the threats started, he was holding my hand supporting me. I have many inter caste and interfaith friends, they are my family, standing with me right from my wedding day till today when I am fighting to get Prashant out. Dalit scholars, journalists and activists have given me so much support in my fight. Such relationships are so precious and important. When you do an inter caste or an interfaith marriage, you are socially boycotted by your families and networks at large. But then a new family is formed with new relationships. Family is not from blood, but from those who stand with you, for you and support you in difficult times. As friends, we can talk openly about everything - from faith, caste, environment, climate change, relationships, depression, mental health, democracy, constitution, human rights, feminist movements, human rights… anything!
Jagisha often got trolled and tone shamed for being so vocal and angry but she says that women must continue fighting communalism and casteism.
“Shaheen bagh was the biggest example of solidarity for me where women came out to fight for the Constitution. The same women, who couldn’t otherwise step out of their houses after dusk, were sitting in protests till 2 in the morning to fight for rights and make their voices heard. When Dr Kafeel Khan was in jail, his wife and daughter were fighting for him. Sudha Bharadwaj’s daughter is fighting. Varavara Rao’s wife, Sanjiv Bhatt’s wife’s are all fighting bravely. Women are fighting, they are writing, they are raising their voices, They are out on the streets and are also going to jails. I also find myself in the same struggle for the truth, surrounded by many inspirational women.”
“Brahmanical patriarchy can't accept how a woman has chosen her own life partner, especially a Dalit or a Muslim woman. Upper caste families still believe till today that Dalits …jo hamare ghar ki mail uthata hain ( those who pick our garbage), how can they be our sons-in-law ? Propaganda like ‘Love Jihad’ is an anti-woman, patriarchal notion that believes that women are foolish and can be easily duped, that they are not capable of choosing their own life partner. Arranged marriages happen because we can't even give a woman the right to choose her life partner. In a country where romantic love is celebrated in films or through legends of our Gods and Goddesses like Radha-Krishna, interfaith or inter caste couples are killed everyday, just for falling in love. We should all proudly oust our families who suffocate us and call them out for their patriarchy, brahminical and communal attitudes ! Nobody else will fight those battles, if not us! Revolution starts in our own homes. “
Interviewed by Nida Ansari
Collage by Pooja Dhingra, Embroidery on collage by Singhleton