Meethi Baradari/ Sweet Brotherhood

Background of Meethi Baradari

We believe that we are all a sum total of our exposures and experiences, and that the more people we meet and learn from, the more we grow and the more empathetic we become. And that’s why we bring a diverse pool of artists, art educators and practitioners to Rafooghar.

Meeting Gurjeet, a male artist working with textiles and embroidery, left many participants deeply inspired. For Hariom, a young participant at Rafooghar and the only male-identifying member who loves to stitch, Gurjeet’s presence felt especially affirming. In Gurjeet’s story, Hariom saw reflections of his own struggles. A few weeks after Gurjeet’s session, Hariom shared, how at school and in other social settings, he is frequently mocked and called "meetha ladka" – a colloquial term used to insinuate homosexuality or queerness, often in a derogatory manner.

Hariom spoke about the emotional toll of being labeled and ridiculed for simply being who he is. His words were filled with both pain and curiosity as he asked us a series of questions.

"Main meetha kyon hoon?" (Why am I considered 'meetha'?)
"Agar main meetha hoon to kya yeh buri baat hai?" (If I am 'meetha,' is that a bad thing?)

"Mujhe gali dena ya sunna accha nahin lagta hai kya isliye main meetha hoon?" (Am I 'meetha' because I don't like to give or hear abuses?)

"Mujhe silai kadhai ghar ke kaam karna, mummy ki kitchen main madad karna acha lagta hai, kya isliye main meetha hoon?" (Am I 'meetha' because I like stitching, doing household work and helping my mother in the kitchen?)

"Sab meethe kue nain hain?" (Why aren't others 'meetha' like me?)

His story of being bullied for being soft and sensitive reflects the societal pressures many boys face to conform to rigid definitions of masculinity, leaving no room for gentleness, vulnerability, or care.

Inspired by Hariom’s story and courage, and moved by his meethapan we decided to celebrate his softness. We collaborated with artist and facilitator Achal Dodia to to mentor Hariom, and to design and co-lead a module on gender and masculinities for our community.

Achal (30) is a queer, gender fluid artist. Like Hariom, Achal has faced challenges due to his non- conformity to traditional gender roles. Achal channels his experiences into his work, using art to question and redefine gender norms. Despite the ongoing difficulties in finding spaces where he can fully be himself, Achal has found comfort and acceptance among the women in his life, including his mother and close female friends. These relationships have provided him with the strength to embrace his identity and continue his exploration of gender through his art.

Achal and Hariom both come from different backgrounds yet share similar struggles transcending age and experience. Incidentally, both met each other at Rafooghar during a stitching ‘baithak’ (gathering). Stitching is a common thread that not only binds them but gives them an outlet to express themselves.

Rafooghar, with its aim to create a nurturing and inclusive space for self-expression and dialogue, plays a small but crucial role in both Hariom's and Achal’s lives. Here, they find the freedom to explore their identity without judgment, surrounded by supportive women from the community. The space offers them not only a refuge from the outside world but also a platform to voice their experiences and challenge the status quo.

“इन्किलाब मुलायम भी होता है और मुलायम भी मज़बूत होता है.” - Hariom

We have been engaging in a series of sessions with women, young girls and boys at Rafooghar under the Meethi Baradari project since September 2024. These sessions are centred around questions around gender, masculinities and softness.

Mulmul jaisa Mulayam Mard (Soft Masculinities): Many young boys from the community have been joining the women to stitch and exchange their ideas around gender roles and how these roles shape their identities and interactions, often limiting them from being vulnerable, or expressing their emotions freely. Masculinity is often equated with strength, dominance, or detachment but the boys are finding a safe space at Rafooghar to question these norms and are beginning to see care, gentleness, and vulnerability not as weaknesses, but as essential human qualities.

A participant shared, “Humare pati hum par gussa nikalte hain, aur hum apne bachon par. Peetne- pitane ka yeh silsila aise hi chalta rehta hai... kabhi khatam nahi hota.” (Our husbands take their anger out on us, and we take it out on kids. This cycle of violence becomes never ending). A generational cycle of anger, frustration, and violence can only end if we acknowledge it, address it and unlearn it collectively.

Gendered spaces: The idea of staying ‘fit’ often reinforces gendered ideals: men are encouraged to bulk up, while women are pushed toward weight loss instead of strength. Gyms, seen as male- dominated, can feel intimidating for women due to heavy equipment designed for men and biased social dynamics. To challenge this, we organized a gym session where women, initially uncomfortable, grew confident, bonding through laughter and camaraderie.

Ekal aurat (Single Woman): What does it mean to be a single woman? In a world that often defines women in relation to their families, partners, or roles within domestic spaces, singlehood is frequently viewed as an anomaly rather than a choice. In this session, participants were asked to imagine one thing they would want to do if they were single. The responses ranged from the quietly personal to the wildly rebellious. Some dreamed of learning how to drive while others imagined going on solo journeys, pursuing higher education, or dancing and partying all night long. They stitched their responses on a net fabric.

Meethi Baradari received the grant for Futures in Formation, a public art program initiated by @fica_india and @serendipityartsfoundation to start a a year-long community engagement with young boys and girls from Shaheen Bagh, Madanpur Khadar, Okhla phase 1, Jasola and create a shared, empathetic space, where boys and girls can listen to each other stories, reflect on their own identities, and challenge the rigid norms of masculinity by engaging with the mediums of embroidery and textiles- traditionally associated with women.

We opened the doors of Rafooghar to the young boys of our community with a party where boys and girls came, interacted with each other, shared their stories, played fun games facilitated by Achal and Hariom, enjoyed delicious homemade food lovingly prepared by Nahid ji, and danced their hearts out late into the night.